Is Competition Destroying our Ability to Love and Connect Emotionally?

dreamstime_m_32064153Esteeming from Within

We see it every day, and it’s all around us. People are suffering from low self-esteem. We live in a competitive world, where from an early age, we are taught to compete with one another, compare our rank, and to criticize in order to measure one’s value as a way to surpass each other in life.

We are taught at an early age to strive to be the best we can be. We are taught that winning means that we are to be the best in academics, athletics and in intellectual exercises. Our drive to succeed comes at a great cost to our soul.

Competition has its place in the sports arena where a referee can be assigned to ensure that rules are followed and that there is no offside behavior, but competition in life is destroying our ability to love and connect emotionally with one another. By competing, we are always analyzing and comparing ourselves with one another, creating a non-existent threat if we feel someone might be “better” than us at any particular aspect in life, instead of encouraging us to embrace and appreciate a talent in another. Competition defies the very act of bonding with one another. This is detrimental to our hearts and contributes to the global loneliness that is happening in the world today. It inadvertently has created an environment where everyone is pitted against each other in the name of winning instead of embracing our own humanity. What is the measure of success? Is success measured in monetary terms along with levels of achievement, or should success be measured in terms of meaning?

We are taught that winning defines us instead of being taught how to work together and to coexist. We are taught that we are to beat one another in almost all areas of life, but who is really the winner?

If we are meant to live harmoniously, what can we do today to change the way we interact with each other? What changes would we need to make to operate with the intention of honoring and embracing each other instead of competing with one another?

Does our occupation or our acquired possessions define our true value over who we are and how we contribute to others? We have been taught to compete over looks, romantic partners, money, house sizes, positions we hold in the workplace; which are all external sources of self-esteem.

Below is an excerpt from: Ending Global Loneliness, where I outline the different ways in which people esteem by means that are outside of our self. Can you think of other ways that we externally esteem ourselves? If so, add them to the comment section below. Are there any ways in which you externally esteem yourself that may not be serving you anymore?

Other Esteem

I want to briefly discuss other esteem so that you can identify it in yourself

and others, if it creeps in. Identifying other esteem is not about judgment;

it is about understanding what motivates people and how it shows up in


Other esteem is the esteem that is sourced from outside of yourself that

people use to value and motivate themselves. It can be used to identify the

priorities that they hold dear or that are of importance to them based on

values, principles, and beliefs acquired outside of themselves, or by what are

referred to as external esteem. The list below covers some ways individuals

identify with those external values.

Those individuals are sometimes hard to spot for varying reasons, but

mainly because they give off an air of confidence. That confidence is sourced

outside of them, but is perceived to give them identity. Namely, they identify

their value

  • through their looks,
  • through their possessions,
  • by what their partner or friends do for a living or have achieved,
  • by what they themselves have achieved,
  • by where they live,
  • by their position in life,
  • by what their children accomplish in school or sports,
  • by any degrees, titles, or achievements, or
  • by any combination of the above.

There is nothing wrong with having nice things in life; in fact, they can

make life very enjoyable. But just how much should we let material possessions

define us? Where the problem comes in is when people value those material

possessions more than they value themselves or their connections with others.

Our happiness shouldn’t be based on what we have acquired or achieved;

it’s who we have become and what we are able to give back to others that

should be a defining factor. We give back when we become more. Our sense

of contribution creates the deepest meaning in who we are over what we

possess in life.

How do you define success?


Read all about self-esteem, other esteem and external causes of low self-esteem in Ending Global Loneliness; Finding Purpose, Love and Dynamic Relationships.

Get your copy at Amazon today and explore how self-esteem affects your life.

To learn more about the  movement toward Ending Global Loneliness, go to

#love #emotionalhealth #selfesteem



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