We live in a rapidly changing world and change is scary for many people. In order to maintain our sanity, our lifestyle can become dependent on the situation around us not changing at a rate faster than we can handle. Without being aware, people can compulsively control so the situation doesn’t get out of hand on them. By definition, control happens when a person tries to dictate the outcome of a situation or the behavior of another.
This isn’t about judgement or criticism of self or others, it is about letting go of the need to control. Often when people around us attempt to change, it can set our own insecurities into overdrive and controlling the person who is attempting to change seems like the path of least resistance, but controlling comes at a cost.
Control holds everyone back, even the person doing the controlling because they are no longer focused on what they want, they are focused on managing another. Controlling is a restrictive practice, it is suppressive in nature, isolating and dull’s everyone’s ability to shine. Control kills the magic in life.
If the controlling behavior continues, it can make the person being controlled want to zone out from life and can cause stress, strife, fear, shame, guilt, mistrust and unease to the person who is being controlled.
It takes time and energy to be in control all the time, in fact it can be quite exhausting. Besides, we cannot be open to receiving new experiences if we have our head down in an attempt to stay in control. Luckily control is a learned behavior, so we can unlearn it if we choose.
By viewing change as an incredible opportunity for growth, it doesn’t have to hold anyone back, including you. Goal setting has a different tone than controlling. Setting goals is inspired by the desire for a great outcome. Set goals for yourself based on what you want to happen so you stay on your own path and if others attempt to hold you back, gently bring up the topic of control. Letting go of control is quite liberating.
If you are unsure whether control plays a role in your life, ask yourself the following questions.
If you weren’t controlling
- What would you be doing differently now?
- What would you do that you aren’t letting yourself do now?
- Where would you go?
- What would you say?
- What would you want to experience in life if you didn’t have to control?
- What type of people would you surround yourself with if you weren’t worried about being in control?
- Are you holding yourself back hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or another person’s behavior?
- Is there anyone you need to start saying ‘no’ to so you can relinquish control? With whom and why?
- Would you be setting boundaries, and if so, with whom?
- How would you think, feel, speak and behave differently than you do now if you didn’t feel the need to control?
Life is so much sweeter when we can enjoy it without fear of having to be in control.
If you are unsure how to stop controlling, start by giving yourself permission to not be in charge. If situations fall into chaos to awaken other to the reality, let it happen, after all, it is not yours to control, and always remember
You can love someone, you can control someone, you can even love to control someone, but you can’t have both!
To learn more about being the change you want to see in the world, visit us at www.endinggloballoneliness.com
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