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Archive for Relationships

Control ~ The Unspoken Addiction

 

 

 

 

 

We live in a rapidly changing world and change is scary for many people. In order to maintain our sanity, our lifestyle can become dependent on the situation around us not changing at a rate faster than we can handle. Without being aware, people can compulsively control so the situation doesn’t get out of hand on them. By definition, control happens when a person tries to dictate the outcome of a situation or the behavior of another.

This isn’t about judgement or criticism of self or others, it is about letting go of the need to control. Often when people around us attempt to change, it can set our own insecurities into overdrive and controlling the person who is attempting to change seems like the path of least resistance, but controlling comes at a cost.

Control holds everyone back, even the person doing the controlling because they are no longer focused on what they want, they are focused on managing another. Controlling is a restrictive practice, it is suppressive in nature, isolating and dull’s everyone’s ability to shine. Control kills the magic in life.

If the controlling behavior continues, it can make the person being controlled want to zone out from life and can cause stress, strife, fear, shame, guilt, mistrust and unease to the person who is being controlled.

It takes time and energy to be in control all the time, in fact it can be quite exhausting.  Besides, we cannot be open to receiving new experiences if we have our head down in an attempt to stay in control. Luckily control is a learned behavior, so we can unlearn it if we choose.

By viewing change as an incredible opportunity for growth, it doesn’t have to hold anyone back, including you. Goal setting has a different tone than controlling. Setting goals is inspired by the desire for a great outcome. Set goals for yourself based on what you want to happen so you stay on your own path and if others attempt to hold you back, gently bring up the topic of control. Letting go of control is quite liberating.

If you are unsure whether control plays a role in your life, ask yourself the following questions.

If you weren’t controlling

  • What would you be doing differently now?
  • What would you do that you aren’t letting yourself do now?
  • Where would you go?
  • What would you say?
  • What would you want to experience in life if you didn’t have to control?
  • What type of people would you surround yourself with if you weren’t worried about being in control?
  • Are you holding yourself back hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or another person’s behavior?
  • Is there anyone you need to start saying ‘no’ to so you can relinquish control? With whom and why?
  • Would you be setting boundaries, and if so, with whom?
  • How would you think, feel, speak and behave differently than you do now if you didn’t feel the need to control?

Life is so much sweeter when we can enjoy it without fear of having to be in control.

If you are unsure how to stop controlling, start by giving yourself permission to not be in charge. If situations fall into chaos to awaken other to the reality, let it happen, after all, it is not yours to control, and always remember

You can love someone, you can control someone, you can even love to control someone, but you can’t have both!

To learn more about being the change you want to see in the world, visit us at www.endinggloballoneliness.com

Live Large!

#endinggloballoneliness #respect #love #bethechange

The Power of Love

Do we discount the power of love in our relationships?

 

 

 

Love is as important to our psyche as food and water are to our bodies. If this is so, then why are men and women still struggling to get love right? Endless studies have been conducted on the topic of love, but how to love freely still eludes us. What link are we missing in understanding the power of love and why it is so important in our lives?

A major component of our personality is derived from our sexuality. Sharing needs of feeling loved and of feeling significant is a part of experiencing love. The differences in our male and female sexuality was created by nature in a way that was designed to complement each other, to keep things fun and interesting. It’s the differences between the sexes that make us appealing to the other. Instead of celebrating our differences, we keep them under wraps, often criticizing over embracing them.

Assimilating our sexes strips our sexuality from us. When we try to make the opposite sex be more like us, it neutralizes our sexual attraction instead of complementing our natural state of masculine or feminine energy.

If we all behaved like men or women, how long would it take before we are all bored with one another emotionally, intellectually, physically and sexually? Lack of understanding our natural attributes contribute to why we are getting love so wrong. Men and women are lonely, we are yearning for each other, so there is no better time than now to figure this out.

Some of our needs and wants register at the biological level, they are not controlled by our minds, love being one. Love is sourced in our hearts, it is a feeling, not a thought. Thinking about a feeling can leave us confused, especially when we over intellectualize.  How are men and women supposed to get love right if we aren’t versed in our basic love needs, where love is sourced for us, or the patterns of how we communicate with one another?

It is easy is to fall into the trap of focusing on how others impact us, while we neglect to look at how we impact those around us. Too often, when people share stories that involve their spouses, the conversation defaults to how disappointed one is by the other. Treating our relationships with a big dose of negativity can’t be inspiring for anyone. It helps to check in with yourself periodically to see if you are treating your relationship in a negative manner. Looking for what is right with each other instead of focusing on the negative contributes to a more loving world around us.

A short self-test can help you discern how you view both sexes. Create a list of 10 things you admire about men; then list 10 things about women that you absolutely adore. If the list is not easy to create, what can you do to expand your appreciation of both sexes?

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Honour your Boundaries

dreamstime_m_25752764There is a reason to honour our boundaries; our boundaries have our backs. By their very nature, they are here to protect us.

There is an energetic shift that is happening around the world. People are making changes as they are awakening to their true potential. They are exploring who they are and what they are here to do. This can make the people who are reluctant to make the changes, uncomfortable. Often this is when poor boundaries come to light.

Too often, when we are more than willing to change, because of others insecurities; they want to hold us back.

People have been conditioned to not like change. For some, it can be scary, confusing, and extremely uncomfortable to change. But when we aren’t changing, we aren’t growing. When we aren’t growing we can get stuck in old patterns and ways of doing things that no longer serve us; stuck doesn’t have a nice ring to it, does it?

I used to think that statements like this were harsh, then I realized every relationship we have, with the exception of the relationship we have with ourselves, involves another person. If the boundaries that are used between two people aren’t healthy, then all kinds of games and controlling behaviors can set in.

Know it’s okay to walk your own path—you don’t need permission to be who you are or to live your dreams as long as they don’t come at the expense of another.

Knowing our true human nature requires we know the natural intelligence’s of the universe. One of those natural intelligence’s is that nature abhors vacuums. If someone is holding you back either physically, emotionally or on a psychic level, know it’s okay to remove yourself from their company and allow good things to take their place.

Besides, by creating distance, you give the other person a chance to modify their behavior. This distance allows them the opportunity to create their own vacuum to fill, which can inspire them to make their own changes, if they feel it is warranted. The rule to remember here is that whatever one does, should not come at the expense of another.  Will the changes you want to make benefit society or people in some way? Does it include helping others and being of service? Asking yourself these questions can help align your intentions with your drive and is a winning strategy and a great way to propel you towards living your dreams.

Why not try it? Go for what you dream about, honour your boundaries if you need to, and create a vacuum by removing people who are not happy for you from your space. It is very liberating to do so. It isn’t cruel, it means you are respecting them enough to give them the space to find what will truly make them happy. If a persons energy is about trying to slow another down, it could be an indication that they are not happy with themselves.

Honour your boundaries and honour yourself. Set the bar so others can do the same for themselves.

I would love to hear your comments, so leave one below, or if you prefer, email me at sandy@endinggloballoneliness.com and share your stories about how you effectively set and held boundaries when you needed to. Let’s be the change the world needs.

Read more about the function of boundaries at www.endinggloballoneliness.com

#empowering #boundaries #respect #change #endinggloballoneliness

Sexual Polarity Creates Sexual Attraction in Couples

dreamstime_m_41918494Sexual polarity refers to the sexual attraction that creates the passion and the spark in romance. Without it, we have depolarized relationships, which resemble friendships at best. The only difference between a friendship between males and females who are intimate from relationships that are friendships in nature, is sex. So why wouldn’t we want to amplify our polarity and get the sparks flying again in romantic love? Why do we discount sexual polarity when we need it to keep the vibrational energy of romantic love alive and fun?

Hormones play a big role in our sexuality and how we see ourselves as men and women, and with the addition of so many estrogen enhancers in food and the everyday products we use, it is no wonder men aren’t always feeling the draw toward their masculine strengths.

Estrogen enhancers are used in laundry soaps, dish detergents, household cleaners, pesticides, hand sanitizers, soy products; you get the picture, through use of every day products and foods, we are feminizing men with added hormones. Personally, I’m a big believer in asking the question “Why.” Why would we do that? Does feminizing men contribute to the confusion men feel about themselves in modern day times? Are we trying to mold them into a shape that they aren’t meant to fit? Can men awaken to their divine masculine energy without feminizing them? Of course, but feeding them estrogen doesn’t feel like the way to do it. Humans are forms of energy—and that is further broken down into divine masculine and divine feminine energy. We are stronger in our true masculine and feminine essences. If that is the case, then why would we want to change men into women? Who benefits with all that confusion?

According to Therese Benedek  (“Psycho-Sexual Functions in Women”, The Ronald Press Company, 1952), our sexuality is the axis that our personalities organize around; meaning our personalities form around whether we are born male or female.  When we try to take the masculine out of the males and the feminine out of the females we lose our sexual polarity. It takes the fun out of the dance of creating romantic passion in our lives.

We need our men masculine, and why not, it’s their natural state of being. Men are always being told they need to be more sensitive, when sensitivity is one of the characteristics of divine masculine energy. The real problem is men are shamed when they show their sensitivity. Aggression and competition are other masculine states, and granted we do not need men displaying those traits in the home environment; they have their place when it comes to protecting society. Feeding men estrogen may take the ability to fight out of men—which would come in handy if you didn’t want men to stand up to you.

From what I have read Bruce Jenner took estrogen from as far back as the 80’s.  I couldn’t imagine him standing up and fighting if he was needed to as Caitlyn. I would venture a guess that by now, the so-called experts would know that feeding men estrogen is not really good for them.

So what can men do to reclaim their sense of masculinity?

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