Image

Archive for Boundaries

Control ~ The Unspoken Addiction

 

 

 

 

 

We live in a rapidly changing world and change is scary for many people. In order to maintain our sanity, our lifestyle can become dependent on the situation around us not changing at a rate faster than we can handle. Without being aware, people can compulsively control so the situation doesn’t get out of hand on them. By definition, control happens when a person tries to dictate the outcome of a situation or the behavior of another.

This isn’t about judgement or criticism of self or others, it is about letting go of the need to control. Often when people around us attempt to change, it can set our own insecurities into overdrive and controlling the person who is attempting to change seems like the path of least resistance, but controlling comes at a cost.

Control holds everyone back, even the person doing the controlling because they are no longer focused on what they want, they are focused on managing another. Controlling is a restrictive practice, it is suppressive in nature, isolating and dull’s everyone’s ability to shine. Control kills the magic in life.

If the controlling behavior continues, it can make the person being controlled want to zone out from life and can cause stress, strife, fear, shame, guilt, mistrust and unease to the person who is being controlled.

It takes time and energy to be in control all the time, in fact it can be quite exhausting.  Besides, we cannot be open to receiving new experiences if we have our head down in an attempt to stay in control. Luckily control is a learned behavior, so we can unlearn it if we choose.

By viewing change as an incredible opportunity for growth, it doesn’t have to hold anyone back, including you. Goal setting has a different tone than controlling. Setting goals is inspired by the desire for a great outcome. Set goals for yourself based on what you want to happen so you stay on your own path and if others attempt to hold you back, gently bring up the topic of control. Letting go of control is quite liberating.

If you are unsure whether control plays a role in your life, ask yourself the following questions.

If you weren’t controlling

  • What would you be doing differently now?
  • What would you do that you aren’t letting yourself do now?
  • Where would you go?
  • What would you say?
  • What would you want to experience in life if you didn’t have to control?
  • What type of people would you surround yourself with if you weren’t worried about being in control?
  • Are you holding yourself back hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or another person’s behavior?
  • Is there anyone you need to start saying ‘no’ to so you can relinquish control? With whom and why?
  • Would you be setting boundaries, and if so, with whom?
  • How would you think, feel, speak and behave differently than you do now if you didn’t feel the need to control?

Life is so much sweeter when we can enjoy it without fear of having to be in control.

If you are unsure how to stop controlling, start by giving yourself permission to not be in charge. If situations fall into chaos to awaken other to the reality, let it happen, after all, it is not yours to control, and always remember

You can love someone, you can control someone, you can even love to control someone, but you can’t have both!

To learn more about being the change you want to see in the world, visit us at www.endinggloballoneliness.com

Live Large!

#endinggloballoneliness #respect #love #bethechange

Honour your Boundaries

dreamstime_m_25752764There is a reason to honour our boundaries; our boundaries have our backs. By their very nature, they are here to protect us.

There is an energetic shift that is happening around the world. People are making changes as they are awakening to their true potential. They are exploring who they are and what they are here to do. This can make the people who are reluctant to make the changes, uncomfortable. Often this is when poor boundaries come to light.

Too often, when we are more than willing to change, because of others insecurities; they want to hold us back.

People have been conditioned to not like change. For some, it can be scary, confusing, and extremely uncomfortable to change. But when we aren’t changing, we aren’t growing. When we aren’t growing we can get stuck in old patterns and ways of doing things that no longer serve us; stuck doesn’t have a nice ring to it, does it?

I used to think that statements like this were harsh, then I realized every relationship we have, with the exception of the relationship we have with ourselves, involves another person. If the boundaries that are used between two people aren’t healthy, then all kinds of games and controlling behaviors can set in.

Know it’s okay to walk your own path—you don’t need permission to be who you are or to live your dreams as long as they don’t come at the expense of another.

Knowing our true human nature requires we know the natural intelligence’s of the universe. One of those natural intelligence’s is that nature abhors vacuums. If someone is holding you back either physically, emotionally or on a psychic level, know it’s okay to remove yourself from their company and allow good things to take their place.

Besides, by creating distance, you give the other person a chance to modify their behavior. This distance allows them the opportunity to create their own vacuum to fill, which can inspire them to make their own changes, if they feel it is warranted. The rule to remember here is that whatever one does, should not come at the expense of another.  Will the changes you want to make benefit society or people in some way? Does it include helping others and being of service? Asking yourself these questions can help align your intentions with your drive and is a winning strategy and a great way to propel you towards living your dreams.

Why not try it? Go for what you dream about, honour your boundaries if you need to, and create a vacuum by removing people who are not happy for you from your space. It is very liberating to do so. It isn’t cruel, it means you are respecting them enough to give them the space to find what will truly make them happy. If a persons energy is about trying to slow another down, it could be an indication that they are not happy with themselves.

Honour your boundaries and honour yourself. Set the bar so others can do the same for themselves.

I would love to hear your comments, so leave one below, or if you prefer, email me at sandy@endinggloballoneliness.com and share your stories about how you effectively set and held boundaries when you needed to. Let’s be the change the world needs.

Read more about the function of boundaries at www.endinggloballoneliness.com

#empowering #boundaries #respect #change #endinggloballoneliness

 Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries

dreamstime_m_15351009

When and how should we forgive?

Feminine energy is a life force within itself, we live for love. We want to feel love inside and all around us. All too often in our quest for love, we forgive others so we can maintain harmony in ourselves and the world around us at the behest of our own or others best interest. We forgive when others haven’t earned forgiveness. We gloss things over in the name of keeping the peace, when we should be calling out offside behaviour ensuring the well-being of all parties involved. Unconditional forgiveness and unconditional love are not the same thing. Expectations of unconditional forgiveness show up time and time again where boundaries and accountability are out the window.

All too often, we look at forgiveness as a one-sided arrangement, as if it is always our responsibility to forgive another. We assume forgiveness must be granted, all the while forgetting that forgiveness can be earned as well as granted. We are quick to forgive without allowing the offending party the right to earn the forgiveness themselves. We hurt another’s chance to create their own good karma when we rush them, when we forgive them before they have had a chance to review and take responsibility for their own behaviours. When we do this, we put love in harm’s way.

One way we can ensure that we give others a chance to create their own good karma is to give them time and space, time alone to reflect on their behaviour and re-evaluate where their rights stop, and the rights of others begin. When we do this, we can be gentle as we help to keep love safe by encouraging everyone to do their part in love. What we weren’t taught is that one of the best ways to ensure love is safe around us, is by maintaining boundaries-that is how we keep love safe, so love can flow freely and can create a ripple effect around us, and without chaos. Setting boundaries is an act of self-love. Read More→