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Control ~ The Unspoken Addiction

 

 

 

 

 

We live in a rapidly changing world and change is scary for many people. In order to maintain our sanity, our lifestyle can become dependent on the situation around us not changing at a rate faster than we can handle. Without being aware, people can compulsively control so the situation doesn’t get out of hand on them. By definition, control happens when a person tries to dictate the outcome of a situation or the behavior of another.

This isn’t about judgement or criticism of self or others, it is about letting go of the need to control. Often when people around us attempt to change, it can set our own insecurities into overdrive and controlling the person who is attempting to change seems like the path of least resistance, but controlling comes at a cost.

Control holds everyone back, even the person doing the controlling because they are no longer focused on what they want, they are focused on managing another. Controlling is a restrictive practice, it is suppressive in nature, isolating and dull’s everyone’s ability to shine. Control kills the magic in life.

If the controlling behavior continues, it can make the person being controlled want to zone out from life and can cause stress, strife, fear, shame, guilt, mistrust and unease to the person who is being controlled.

It takes time and energy to be in control all the time, in fact it can be quite exhausting.  Besides, we cannot be open to receiving new experiences if we have our head down in an attempt to stay in control. Luckily control is a learned behavior, so we can unlearn it if we choose.

By viewing change as an incredible opportunity for growth, it doesn’t have to hold anyone back, including you. Goal setting has a different tone than controlling. Setting goals is inspired by the desire for a great outcome. Set goals for yourself based on what you want to happen so you stay on your own path and if others attempt to hold you back, gently bring up the topic of control. Letting go of control is quite liberating.

If you are unsure whether control plays a role in your life, ask yourself the following questions.

If you weren’t controlling

  • What would you be doing differently now?
  • What would you do that you aren’t letting yourself do now?
  • Where would you go?
  • What would you say?
  • What would you want to experience in life if you didn’t have to control?
  • What type of people would you surround yourself with if you weren’t worried about being in control?
  • Are you holding yourself back hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or another person’s behavior?
  • Is there anyone you need to start saying ‘no’ to so you can relinquish control? With whom and why?
  • Would you be setting boundaries, and if so, with whom?
  • How would you think, feel, speak and behave differently than you do now if you didn’t feel the need to control?

Life is so much sweeter when we can enjoy it without fear of having to be in control.

If you are unsure how to stop controlling, start by giving yourself permission to not be in charge. If situations fall into chaos to awaken other to the reality, let it happen, after all, it is not yours to control, and always remember

You can love someone, you can control someone, you can even love to control someone, but you can’t have both!

To learn more about being the change you want to see in the world, visit us at www.endinggloballoneliness.com

Live Large!

#endinggloballoneliness #respect #love #bethechange

 Finding Your Tribe – 3 Tips on How to Find Like-Minded People in Your Life.

 

 

There seems to be an energetic shift emerging sparked by enthusiasm and a zest for making a difference in the world. With that enthusiasm one realizes the importance of surrounding yourself with people who share the same energy, values and sense of purpose. As the saying goes, your vibe attracts your tribe.

The following three steps show you how to find your tribe:

  1. Identify role models who you admire and who are doing what you want to do. By doing so you can identify attributes you hold dear. Look for factors based on their sense of value personally over factors that are monetarily based.
  2. Know who you are and what you offer. Take the factors you have listed in step one and determine which ones apply to you. By defining you in this way, you know what you are looking for, saving time and energy.
  3. Identify the services or skills you offer to others. By knowing what you have to offer, you can bring value to your tribe. Making other’s lives easier is a win-win for everyone. Giving first before you expect to receive will in itself attract connection.

We live in exciting times. People are awakening to a new way of living and creating a greater sense of community. We each have unique gifts and skills to add to the movement. The most important step for you to be part of the change is to know who you are and what you offer. Once you know that, your confidence will automatically attract new and supportive people your way.

We would love to have you be part of our tribe. Take a tour of our website www.endinggloballoneliness.com and learn more about how you can help be the change you want to see in the world.

Thank you for sharing your time with me. I hope you have been inspired to expand your circle of like-minded people. If you have learned tips and pointers that your friends and family can use, please share this blog. If you would like even more pointers, get your copy of Ending Global Loneliness; Finding Purpose, Love and Dynamic Relationships.

Fill your week with love and connection and be sure to pass it on.

Sandy

#togetherwearestronger #endinggloballonelliness #gettingloveright #birdsofafeather

Be the Change You want to see in the World.

 

 

 

 

Everything in life involves change and when we deny change, we resist growth. Living a sedentary lifestyle is not how we were meant to live, and can cause complacency. Nothing stays the same forever; nor should we want it to. Everything has the ability to change. Humans have restricted ourselves to the benefits of change and in some cases humans have been conditioned to fear change.

Change is a constant in life and resisting doesn’t work. You cannot will yourself to stop change any more than you can will yourself to stop growing physically. Willing yourself to stay 3’5” because it was your comfort zone isn’t possible, yet we often try to restrict our emotional and conscious growth. Some things can’t be control and it can be liberating when we stop trying to. What could happen if we stopped trying to resist emotional and conscious growth? If we can’t stop our physical self from changing, why do we think we can stop our emotional and conscious selves from growing and evolving? There is no benefit when we deny ourselves from the experiences that will enrich our lives emotionally and consciously.

Life’s experiences are meant to be fun and are meant to help us grow emotionally and consciously. They are meant to challenge us as we enthusiastically move through life, for without experiencing life, we stagnate. We can all become courageous and reach beyond our comfort zones as we take affirmative action as we change. When you stop changing you retire from life—do it long enough and you can feel yourself decline over time.  Ask yourself how do you want to experience life. Being consciously aware means you feel and are present as you experience life.  Do you want to experience an easy life or do you want to experience meaning? Read More→

The Power of Love

Do we discount the power of love in our relationships?

 

 

 

Love is as important to our psyche as food and water are to our bodies. If this is so, then why are men and women still struggling to get love right? Endless studies have been conducted on the topic of love, but how to love freely still eludes us. What link are we missing in understanding the power of love and why it is so important in our lives?

A major component of our personality is derived from our sexuality. Sharing needs of feeling loved and of feeling significant is a part of experiencing love. The differences in our male and female sexuality was created by nature in a way that was designed to complement each other, to keep things fun and interesting. It’s the differences between the sexes that make us appealing to the other. Instead of celebrating our differences, we keep them under wraps, often criticizing over embracing them.

Assimilating our sexes strips our sexuality from us. When we try to make the opposite sex be more like us, it neutralizes our sexual attraction instead of complementing our natural state of masculine or feminine energy.

If we all behaved like men or women, how long would it take before we are all bored with one another emotionally, intellectually, physically and sexually? Lack of understanding our natural attributes contribute to why we are getting love so wrong. Men and women are lonely, we are yearning for each other, so there is no better time than now to figure this out.

Some of our needs and wants register at the biological level, they are not controlled by our minds, love being one. Love is sourced in our hearts, it is a feeling, not a thought. Thinking about a feeling can leave us confused, especially when we over intellectualize.  How are men and women supposed to get love right if we aren’t versed in our basic love needs, where love is sourced for us, or the patterns of how we communicate with one another?

It is easy is to fall into the trap of focusing on how others impact us, while we neglect to look at how we impact those around us. Too often, when people share stories that involve their spouses, the conversation defaults to how disappointed one is by the other. Treating our relationships with a big dose of negativity can’t be inspiring for anyone. It helps to check in with yourself periodically to see if you are treating your relationship in a negative manner. Looking for what is right with each other instead of focusing on the negative contributes to a more loving world around us.

A short self-test can help you discern how you view both sexes. Create a list of 10 things you admire about men; then list 10 things about women that you absolutely adore. If the list is not easy to create, what can you do to expand your appreciation of both sexes?

Read More→